damn you.

pagbigyan niyo nako.. this all started on the 14th floor and so technically, this is an office issue. hehe. i remember when me and janeybeybi will have our 'transformation' before 9pm just after our lunchbreak so as not to look ngarag as we already looked and felt from all the sorting that we had to do then. shit. shit tlaga.

bakit may mga taong malabo sa mundo? bakit may mga taong nahihirapang sabihin kung ano ang gusto tlga nilang mangyari? bakit may mga taong tulad mo? putang ina. kung pwede lang bumalik sa nakaraan gagawin ko. kung alam ko lang ganito ang mangyayari, nakuntento na lang sana ko na nagpapapacute sa'yo at tumitingin sa'yo pag dumadaan ako sa ops nung nagsosort ako. ampucha tlga. kung alam ko lang.. sana hindi na kita nakilala. sana nalipat kana lang ng program bago pa kita nakilala. sana hindi mo na lang ako nilapitan para magpakilala. sana hindi mo na ginulo ang maayos at tahimik kong mundo.

after that senseless fight over the phone and not speaking to me for 2weeks, i decided to make the first move, i decided to reach out to you. and then what? anong ginawa mo? sendan ba ko ng lyrics ng kanta. ni hindi ko alam kung saang kanta galing yon. aanhin ko yon? what am i supposed to do with that? am i some kind of psychic to know what you want to tell me? what do you want me to do with that? why don't you just say what you want to say in the first place? why make my life more miserable? why not do something about this mess? goodness. what else do you want me to do? i've done what i could do already. what, ako na naman ba? ano ba. don't tell me you're confused and you don't know what to do. don't give me that crap. you know what to do, you just don't want to do it..am i right? hanggang kelan ako maghihintay sa'yo? o may hinihintay pa ba ako? i have so many questions, but will i get any sensible answers from you? is it too much to expect an explanation of your actions these past month? is it too much to ask for a closure so we can move on with our lives? so i can move on already and stop feeling like hell and pretending that everything is fine with me. so i can stop torturing myself by analyzing every little detail of your actions..or lack of it. why don't you just say what you want and what you really feel. grabe. ang labo mo. mas malabo ka pa sa babae eh. i don't even know what's going on in your mind right now coz you don't even talk to me. is that so hard to do? please don't leave me hanging. or better yet will someone just hang me pls? so that i won't feel anything anymore.

maybe after sometime i will forget everything. i will forget about you. forget everything that we had. erase you from my memory. forget that you've become a part of my life. but right now i am still struggling to get over you. suffering from the pain i'm going through. struggling to live day by day. struggling to believe that one day i will be ok. when that day comes, i won't even know you. you don't even exist as far as i'm concerned. damn you.